Shhhh

Possibly the best feeling on this entire Earth, is laying with Christopher in his bed, and watching him fall asleep.

He is so beautiful.  I hate that his mom did this to him.  He doesn’t deserve to be stressed or upset.  I just feel so helpless when he’s like that.  My poor baby.  I love him to death.

He feels unsuccessful.  He shouldn’t, I suppose.  It’s just…idk I was sleepy, he was sleepy, he was a little rough.  Bah, whatever.  I love him, and 96% of it felt amazing. 

He’s so comfortable.  We fit together oh so well when we lay wih one another.  His touch is extremely soothing, and I adore his back rubs.  He is the best thing in my life right now, and I plan to keep him for as long as I possibly can.  He is my Christopher, and I’m not going to let him down.

I need him

and he needs me

what a glorious thing this is.

I will DIE if I do not see him tomorrow

…*sigh*  I’m sleepy.  How nice it would have been to just stay there with him until tomorrow. 

Oh, oh oh oh oh oh You don’t have to go

My mother called tonight.

It was fucking…bland?

I don’t know.

I love Christopher so much…I can only pray that he knows that.

I was going to hang out with Laura tonight…But i’m too busy being a douche I guess. 

I hope I see him tomorrow.

There’s always something cooking, but nothing in the pot

She is falling off a cliff

Right into her bed

The bed that suffocated

Not too long ago

Right into her own pool

Of hideous memory

Of self-degradation and loathe

Of hate, and of sorrow

Of juvenile stupidity

And mellow-dramatic hypocracy

She’s slipping back

To a familiar home

A place she thought she’d never have to endure again.

Wall of text.

Today was pretty fucking lame.  A got myself all hyped up to go to Christopher’s house.  I even picked out the perfect pair of underwear.  Bam. Smash.  Wrathlord.  I got angry, frustrated.  I acted like a spoiled brat and made him feel terrible about a decision he made.  Making him feel bad is one of my least favorite activities EVER.  Zach didn’t go because he wanted to be with Aisha.  Dillholes.  God fucking damn it.  I want to be there for Tabitha.  What kind of friend would I be if i didn’t go?  But damn, I want to be with Christopher.  I love him so much, and what he’s going to do is going to be so amazing.  I love him.  I love him…  Talking to him after practice made us both feel a little better, I think.  He’s so cute when he’s happy. 

I practiced my bass for a bit today.  Attempting to learn Dazed and Confused.  God, I love Led Zeppelin. 

My fingers hurt.  My hymen doesn’t…at the moment, at least.

Love, actually

He said “I think I’m goin’ to Boston..”

I hate this so much.

You can’t leave me.  You can’t.  We have to spend forever together.  I will NOT be torn from you because of society’s expectations.  I realize this is a while from now, but I don’t care about that in the least.  Don’t leave me.  How am I supposed to deal with the departure of the best thing that has happened to me in forever? Please.

Please.

I love you.

Don’t go.  Dont let them make you.  Please, baby.  Christopher…please.

I despise growing up.

Soul of a Woman was Created Below

Okay so

damn, i’m a wuss.

Haha.  But it fuckin hurt, man!  It wouldn’t have mattered whether I had stopped him or not though since Zach came in with the pizza. 

Next time, though, I guess, I’ll let him do it.

Favor My Neck

Tabitha had a dream that she walked in on me and chris having sex in her house.

….

HAHAHA.

Sorry, i know she didn’t find it funny…but it totally is.

Anyway, on a slightly more serious note, that dream isn’t too far off.  I mean, it’s obvious that something’s gonna happen pretty fuckin’ soon, so I’d better hurry up and get to that birth control!  But I don’t know, maybe I’ll be able to refrain from actual intercourse.  Maybe.

In any case, something sexual is going to happen soon.  Probably tomorrow.  I mean, Chris has already touched me in many a fine way, but anything serious has yet to happen.  Hopefully, I can pluck up the courage to rofl his waffles tomorrow.  Kehe.

God, I love him.  So very much.

I’m so lucky to have him, really.  I’m glad that this has finally happened for me.  For him.  For both of us.

I don’t ever want to leave him.

Échouer

I envy Laura so much.

Her creativity is blossoming tremendously…and she’s so happy.

I’m stuck.

Rut.

There’s nowhere I can go. 

Because I’m lazy and stubborn and I just

Don’t want to bother.

Fuck.

Dead.