Oh dear

It hurts me to read that last entry. How bitter, how selfish, how terribly angry it was.  This is what being cooped up does to me, isn’t it?  Deprivation of the one thing that makes me happiest these days.

I love my christopher.

My beautiful boy.

I’m sorry I get so cynical.

Fuckyou

Dependency is one of the worst things on this entire planet.

I’m sick of my life being cradled in the hands of lazy, selfish, bastards, who never do a damn thing.  If they fucking cared so god damn much, they would take action.  Obviously, I’m unimportant as fuck.

If christopher loved me as much as I love him, or even gave a fuck, he would actually move the earth the way he always pretends he will.

Fuck you, Christopher.  I want to kill you sometimes.

In fact, it’s a good fucking thing I do love you, cuz if I didn’t, you’d have been dead meat a long time ago.

Nobody told me there’d be days like these.

My baby has a migraine.  He’s been sleeping since he got home, poor love.  I do wish he’d wake up so I can tell him to drink some caffeine and feel better.  I wish I was with him always…I get to missing him so badly, and when things like this happen I can’t do anything to help him.  Bah!

All my time without him is spent waiting to be with him.  It’s terrible.  I need something to remedy this! Oh summer!  You can not get here fast enough!!!!

Thursday is Valentine’s Day.  This will be the first v-day on which I’ve actually got someone to care about. Lol.  Zach….FAIL.  It’ll be shitty if we can’t do things.  I mean, we’ll just end uup doing it Friday but that’s not quite the same.  If only Valentine’s day were on Friday!!

Mm, I just thought I heard my mom saying “Kaylaa” in the manner that she would if she were getting frustrated that my music was too loud for too long. 

Makes me sad.

I have a new mommy…true enough.  And he takes EXTREMELY good care of me.  He’s the best thing to ever have happened to me.  I love his hands…and the way he caresses me.  He’s so relaxing and comfy anf beautiful and adorable….and everything I’d always thought I’d never be lucky enough to have.  Sometime, maybe, I’ll show him all the things I write about him.  I want to make sure he knows what he means to me, and how crucial it is for me to have him in my life.  Forever, I hope this will be.  Maybe that’s stupid, or irrational….but I don’t ever want it to end….I don’t ever want to lose him.  He is perfection.

I had dinner with Daddy and Uncle Terry and Ellen and Dylan and Laura.  Dylan’s a pretty cool kid I guess.  I wish I could be cheery all the time like Ellen.  She’s so happy!

Maybe I’ll be like that with Christopher one day.  We’ll live in the mountains….because he’s prollie going to school there anyway.  And I’m going to need to follow him.  We’ll be happy there.  I don’t care if it’s HELLA FUCKING COLD because I’ll have him and that’s all I really need, actually. 

I bet it’s toasty under those covers with him.  Well, I know it is…but I mean right now.  I wish I was there.

 He just called me….he sounded all unwell and whatnot.  My poor thing.  He told me he loved me a gazillion times…I love him times a gazillion too =]

Cheeseburger Macaroni

Yesterday was good.

Baby and I had good fun. Tickle fights, eating, and handjobs.  You know how it is.  I love him. <3

Captive Willy

My motivation is just gone.

I hate school. My classes are too stupid.  Not challenging enough at all.  I hate the entire population of E. A. Laney High School.  With their disgusting drama, and judgement.  I hate them all.

I hate the hallways and how slowly all the dumbfucks move.  I hate the teachers with their biased opinions and stupidity.  I hate the drink machines that no longer have any drinks in them because Laney is a cheap piece of shit.  I hate the office and everyone in it because they have no fucking idea how to run a school.  I hate the school board with their dumbfuck rules and their dumbfuck schedules.  I hate the traditional school system with its lack of breathing space and its long, tease of a summer.  I hate the earliness of school, and how long and grueling the day is.  I hate the tiny shitpiece of a lunch we have.  I hate the cafeteria with its food that I never have any money for.  I hate my friends with their selfishness and same, old faces.

The ones I’ve had to look at for like 6 years now.

I need something new.  I need a break.  I need something before I just crack.

I need Christopher.  And summer. And incense. And art. And downtown. And Laura. And music.  I need John, and Paul, and George, and Ringo.  I need donovan, and robert plant, and jefferson airplane and the doors.  I need freedom, and a driver’s license.  I need a tremendous feild, with just me and Christopher.

I need to get out.

I need help!

HELP.

 I’m a fish in green jello.

I don’t see what anyone can see in anyone else

But you

I’m in love with how you feel

Do Ya Love Meh?

Christopher

is

the

cutest

thing

ever.

Particularly when he orgasms.

Give Back

Apparently, I’m fucking amazing =]

GOD I don’t know what I would do without Christopher.  I would’ve been without friends today if it weren’t for him…I love him so much.

He’s fucking amazing.

Anyway, my 16th birthday was alright.  Nothing tremendous or anything.  Juno was a very good movie ^_^  Made me want to be cooler.  Lol.

Can’t wait for my massage.

Man, FUCK Tabitha’s parents…seriously, I am quite fed up with them.  Dumb fucks.

anyway…to summarize: Sixteen, I love Christopher Millard, tabitha’s parents are RETARDED, Presents are good, I’m alright at handjobs.

Your Heavy Breathing is the Cutest Thing in the World

Seriously, though…it was cute!

haha.

Penises can get harder than I thought they could o_O  But I’m very glad I could cause him pleasure…he certainly deserves it.  I love him so very much.  God damn he’s cute. <33333

Anyway.

The other day I died.  Quite a lot. And I’m trying my best not to let it happen again…I’m eating plenty with my pill, which I accidentally took two hours late today.  That’s alright though.

It’s my birthday.

I’m 16…wtf?  When did that happen??  Oh well, I hope I have fun =]

I don’t know if I’m quite ready for actual sex just yet.  I think i’ll make him wait a little while.  He shouldn’t mind much.  He’s a good, patient boy.